come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
