Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
