Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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