Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
