He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
