i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
