Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
