If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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