remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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