During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
