Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
