her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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