I need to stop coming to work sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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