but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
