somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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