I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
