That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Randomize
