Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
