I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
