When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think your dad took our porno
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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