I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
