Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
