I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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