I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
