she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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