I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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