last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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