The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
