just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
