it wasn't lemon gatorade
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
