Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
