I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found puke in my bra..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
