there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
