he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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