it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
