Nicole vs. Life
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
