puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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