And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
