You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
