dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's rum buckets o'clock
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
