i used baking grease as lip gloss
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
