Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
