The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
