he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
