Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
