She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
