I feel great
I just peed on a car
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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