hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
