He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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