My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
